Dare I open that door ?

Happy New year Everyone 

I hope the festive period was a good one for you all 

As the New Year inevitably turns up so it gets me thinking about where we were this time 8 years ago and how we had no idea that the 9th of February would become a date we would never forget.

The Richardson's dynamic would change forever!

We've not been a well family over the last month or so with this terrible flu going around and poor Joseph has taken the force of it twice.  I know all parents hate to see their kids ill but it invokes a panic in me that I cannot control.  It's irrational to be scared but I don't know what caused Alexander to die and my greatest fear is that it will happen again and I don't know what to do to avoid it.

I panic terribly and even 8 years on and my babies now older than Alex I still cannot help getting upset and shaky when things are beyond my control, if it's a physical wound I can do something about that but the things I can't see or immediately make better are the ones that frighten me the most.

Bedtimes are the worst and whilst I need to check for my own sanity that they are ok my body freezes at the touch of the door handle, that little voice inside that says be prepared.

Someone asked me recently 'Why I volunteered to fund-raise such a ridiculously huge amount?'  This is why ...without that research I will never know what made Alexander die that day and I'll always live with the fear that my other boys may react the same way to whatever it was that killed him.  If we knew what it was maybe we can stop it happening not only to our children but other families as well.

I'm under no illusion that it's a long way off but it's a start and it's a light at the end of a very long tunnel so Thank You everyone who is attending this year's ball, who is organising events for the Challenge, who donated instead of sending Christmas Cards, who came to bag pack 4 days before Christmas,who donated a prize and those who are tweeting #GaryforACB2015

You are a fabulous support to me and it means the world.  


Thank You x