This is the final post of 2012 as things wind down here at Big Ball Central for Christmas. I realise that I have so many people to Thank for their help and generosity in helping to make Alexander's Charity Ball 2013 the biggest and best yet.
Over the last couple of weeks Richard Crossfield, a local businessman and friend of ours has offered sponsorship and through his generosity (and a little bit of cheekiness on my part) we are able to light the ballroom in the most stunning of ways. Richard and Danielle have been great supporters of the ball and inadvertently Richard helped us through when Alexander died, we had just confirmed our house move the day before. I don't think we've actually ever said Thank You formally for Richard's help during what could have been an even more difficult situation.
This week I have booked our pre dinner entertainment as well in the form of Graeme Cox or Party Joe, on a Mum's Christmas Night Out Graeme was playing at the pub, he was brilliant and so I decided to bite the bullet and ask if by any chance he was free. I think he's just what we need to set the atmosphere at the start of the night and if anyone has any requests for a song let me know and I can ask Graeme to add it to his set list. There are some previews of songs on his website so please go and take a look _http://party-joe.com/fr_home.cfm
So finally all that remains is for me to say a few Thank You's to all our sponsors for the evening, everyone who has bought a ticket to attend, all our raffle prize donators and everyone who has supported us.
Your belief in my cause and me is overwhelming and without it none of this would go ahead
Have an amazing Christmas and a very Prosperous 2013
See you in the New Year !
So whilst in the shower I got to thinking, it's actually where I think and reflect the most. Probably because it's the quietest room in the house and the time I get a little bit of me time!
This isn't an easy post but for me I wanted to write a personal post about the things that come to me when I least expect them, sometimes I can appear detached from the issues when the fundraiser in me takes over but these are things I remember from that day the things that are imprinted on my memory.
I Remember ...
the day it happened, the worst actual day of my whole 34 years. The shower I took before 'waking' my son, the moment I touched that bedroom door handle and knew with absolute certainty that something was drastically wrong.
ringing Ian who was on his way to work, lying to him just so he would be careful driving home.
ringing our parents and my Mum strangely asking if I'd phoned an ambulance.
his foot peeking out from a blanket as the paramedics carried him to the ambulance.
the car journey to the hospital, the hope that Ian had that things would be ok and knowing deep down there was no hope.
the look on the faces of the 3 men that had tried to save my baby.
the sound of my husbands hope disappearing in the instant we saw that little person laying lifeless on a massive hospital bed.
asking for a Catholic priest (I haven't set foot in a Catholic Church in a long time) and thinking when he arrived that his shoes were terrible and had no laces in them!
the sight of a Dad from my boys school (who is a Vicar) walking towards us and feeling able to let go, he and his family are now a very dear set of friends for us.
ringing Shelley (a Twin Mum, a member of a fabulous message board for parents of twins and someone with whom I'd met only a handful of times) I cannot remember exactly what I said or how long I was on the phone but it was important to me at that time to let the 'friends' I'd made over 2 years know.
all those sad faces arriving at our door with no idea what to expect or what to say.
the weather, it snowed !
the police. I can't tell you what they looked like, who they were (I know they were locals) or what they said but I know they were there not in an intruding way they were just there.
my Dad taking Tom and Jack on endless bracing walks and building snowmen in the garden.
the endless cups of tea, it wore my kettle out !
the emptiness, the heartache, the fear.
watching Harrison our surviving twin searching in their hiding spots looking for the other half of him.
Most things are a blur or feel a little like I dreamed them but 5 and half years later these are the things that pop into my head when I least expect them too. I know I will never ever forget the events of that day and I'm sorry if this post is a little difficult for you to read but I needed to share it, for me but to also try and make people understand a little more.
Thanks for reading
Why do I support the Charity? Well, seeing as though Ian is one of my best friends Alex’s death was bound to affect all those close to him profoundly. For me there is also another reason that will resound with any parent. Ava had just been born (my first) and I was still coming to terms with the fact that I was a dad and responsible for another little person. I was also still in the phase of making sure she was breathing at night…
We had decided to combine a business trip to Filey with our first over night stay with our little girl and were travelling up the A64 with a work colleague, my wife and Ava. I missed a call from Dan as I was on the phone to a client. I don’t really recall what happened next, whether I called back or if my wife took a call. All I do know is that I found out that Alex had died. What sticks in my memory is that the morning seemed to pass on autopilot with the meeting with a client discussing business and then leaving my colleague there as we drove off. I drove the car for a few miles then collapsed crying at the wheel. We came straight home.
Alex wasn’t a baby in my mind; he was a toddler and way past the point of danger. How could this have happened? How could Ian and Nicola survive this? What would I do? All those awful questions you ask yourself time and time again.
I can honestly say that hardly a day goes by whereby I don’t think of Alex and the impact it’s had on my life as a dad. I like to think I am a better dad because of it and I like to think that his life has left a permanent impression not only on his family but on all those around him.
I have been meaning to write to you and tell you this for years… never got round to it. Never really thought it was fair to bring it up but now it’s said. Every time I kiss my kids good night and read them a story I cherish that I have them.
Dave and Toni have been brilliant friends and a tremendous amount of support to us over the last 5 and a half years. Ava and Fred are fabulously funny, well rounded kids who are a credit to them and without The Cross Family to support and encourage I'm not sure that The Ball would exist in it's current form.
Thank You both from the bottom of our hearts.
Nicola and Ian x
Welcome to our blog I will try as regularly as I can to keep you up to date with The Ball, The Charity and any other news !