 So I've started a new job this week! Meeting new people and colleagues and so that question comes up, people are naturally interested in you, they want to know about you ... How many kids have you got ? This question is one I don't actually know the answer too... Strange? Yes I know but that one innocent question can open a can of worms where I'm concerned. I want to answer honestly and most of the time I do and say I have 5 but that's not the end of it, there is so much more to it than that. I finally got a chance to stand and have a chat with a couple of my new colleagues and so I was asked and I replied with my truly honest answer ... I have 5 boys but one of them died of cot death 6 and half years ago. It's awkward and I know it can make people uncomfortable, only because they are afraid of upsetting me and often apologise. It's because they don't know me, I'm happy you asked, I'm happy to let you know because that way I can tell you about all of them. My other awkward scenario came up at work last night when a lady of new Twin Boys asked for my help. Do I say it? Do I say I have twin boys? Do I share my memories? I told my customer last night that I have twin boys. It's not a lie is it? I didn't tell her about my tragedy, a stranger doesn't need to know that but I could share with her the experience of newborn twins but what I couldn't do is tell her about when they grow up. About that bond, whether they continue to play together so nicely, whether they have separate friends or stay in the same group, Do I still dress them the same or have their chosen their own way, This is what I feel cheated about. I want to say it get's easier, that they are great friends that they still have that bond but I can't because I've been cheated out of that. I remember being that twin mum that everyone fussed over,having those two special little bundles with such a bright future I was that mummy... Don't be frightened to ask Don't apologise for wanting to know Let me talk I'll tell you when I can't but I am proud of my children as you are of yours I carry my broken heart everywhere all the time, you don't know it but it's good to talk 
3 Comments
Torie
10/7/2013 04:45:49 am
Oh Nic. You'll always be a twin Mum and you'll always have 5 children. I can't imagine the difficulty of answering those questions but it sounds as if you have it just about right.
Louise Barrett
10/7/2013 05:33:28 am
Great post Nicola, it certainly is a difficult one, I tend to say I have one child to strangers just because it is easier. If it is with people that will be ongoing in my life, like news friends I tell them 2 but... as you did.
Kirsty gray
10/7/2013 05:52:29 am
Nicola, I think if you are comfortable sharing then you should. Alex was a gorgeous boy and will always be remembered by you and so many others. You will always be a twin mummy and your experience is precious and can and does help educate not just on multiple births but strength in the face of tragedy and SIDS. Alex and his tragic passing will always be a part of you and has contributed to the person you are now. I think you are amazing xxx Leave a Reply. |
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